Monday, January 24, 2011

Be A Boss Dad... Dead Beats Are A No No!

The Smiths (Will Smith is such an ideal father!)

On the reruns of Basketball Wives (girlfriends, ex fiancés, mistresses, ex wives... whatever) a very important issue came up and it disturbed me. Kenny Anderson, a former basketball player, had been married to Tami Roman for 11 years and had two beautiful daughters with her. When they divorced, his girls were 4 and 6 and he had no contact, relationship, or financial relationship with them.  The show now displays him working towards building a relationship with them at ages 14 and 16.

However the disturbing part is the fact that he made Tami sign a pre-nup and once divorced, she was left with ONLY $70,000! (OK..IF U THINK THIS IS A LOT OF MONEY TO RAISE A FAMILY UP NORTH, KEEP IN MIND THAT HE PLAYED IN THE NBA AND CONTINUE READING) Their mom admitted to resorting to government assistance, including food stamps, in order to raise her daughters on her own. (Shout out to Boss Chic moms doing it for their selves) Before I blow up, let me finish... Not only that but the issue was that he, the NBA ball player dad, had no emotional relationship with his daughters over the years which caused ultimate pain and resentment between them. His excuse was that their mom wouldn't let him see them. Couldn’t he have called? Yes but he said, "We could’ve done that all day. But if I couldn't see yall, then… "  -basically he was saying what would be the point??

Sigh, let me just say this: I have a father in my life, a GREAT ONE, and it is definitely not based on money.  Even though my dad may not be able to support all of my financial needs and desires, he does his best and if he had it I know he would go BROKE FOR ME. We also have never had to resort to any alternatives from the government to assist our family. (Not saying that my family is any better than any other family, but that shows it makes a difference having two supportive parents rather than one.) You mean to tell me that this dude making money on top of money let his daughters resort to food stamps because of his indiscretions with their Mom??? And not only that, he couldn't raise them mentally and emotionally, not even so much as make a phone call because to him that's not important? Not only is this disgusting, it’s downright disgraceful to all the MEN and real fathers busting their ass… Be it hustling, pulling doubles at BK, working 9 to 5, selling mixtapes, or anything to put food in their children's mouths.

Also, the love from a mother and a father is essential to a child's mindset. You as a parent created this special being, it is YOURS and that love for your own product should never be waivered. The relationship you establish is a foundation for that child to evolve as a person in life and is vital. How less of a man can you be to let ANYTHING come between you and your child. If you love something, NOTHING will get in the way of that. If you are a real man, you will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to take care of your family mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially.  There is nothing worse than a deadbeat dad. But a deadbeat dad that shows a deep passion for something else other than your child is scum.

The fact that this NBA player lacked the ability to be a father when he had all means to do right made me appreciate my dad much more. There should never be a woman or anything getting in the way of your role as a parent. Believe it or not, it matters. I don't understand it, but I have encountered many friends and loved ones who desire and resent not having a real father in their lives. If you are a father, that's your job FIRST. If you are being a deadbeat, take the time now to redeem yourself and become a leader because your children love and NEED YOU. You have to step up, and the mother's can't stop you!

For the BOSSES, young and old that are being the best fathers you can be, I salute you. You get the UTMOST RESPECT. YOU ARE HEROES!! No scratch that.. You are BOSS!! Salute!
I see you… and Love it #BAWSE



  1. I love this about you shanta. I think its just sad for men to have these kids and don't support them financially or emotionally.Fathers really do make a difference in our kids lives.It has been said that most of them haven't had fathers in their lives so how could they know how to be one.I think that is a load of bs break the cycle. Mostly its among black men who aren't family oriented and don't take the time to pay attention to raise their kids. I havnt had a father in my life growing up so i know what its like to miss that father daughter relationship. A son needs a father figure to teach him how to be a man a and a good one. When that is not available most of them turn towards the streets lost and confused.Same for the daughters.... It makes me really aggravated when it comes towards this subject. Being a mother of two I know the struggles a mother has to face. I just hope for CHANGE!!!!

  2. It is very sad for these men to have these kids wihout taking care of them! And it is so unfair to the children. I'm sure every child that has been in this situation asks themselves what they have done to deserve to be abandoned. And you are so right about them using the excuse "I didn't have a father, so idk how to be one". that is BULL! if anything, that should make him want to be the best father he can be. sadly, some men are just plain selfish, and dont want to give up their carefree lives to raise their child. In this world, if the father decides he no longer wants to be a part of the child's life all the mother can do is file for child support. These children are still missing the essential lessons in life that they could only receive from their fathers. I pray for change as well, otherwise good men/fathers will be the last of a dying breed!

  3. I am So Glad and proud of you young girls knowing better so you do better no complaining taking care of your kids and responsibilities and not putting up with deadbeats ans knowing your self worth because some older adults parents aunts uncles etc still doing same stuff expecting different results sometimes you dont have to go through things to change jus seeing others go through things we learn I am very proud of you all so young and very smart and not settling for less and puting up with unecessary things

  4. I really like this girl, & Men naw boys should i say should really step up to the plate its more SINGLE MOTHERS Than anything in todays society, And yu would think if these guys didnt have a Father they would do better by there own CHildren so they wont grow up with the same resentment..But some people will NEVER LEARN

  5. Great minds think alike cuz I just had a status about them the other day. My dad wasn't always around but I was blessed with a great step-dad to fill his shoes the majority of my life. I'll never understand how a man could go without talking to, seeing, or helping support his child knowing how expensive and important it Is. Some guys that don't take care of their children had great dads or atleast had somebody in their life but still choose to not be there.whether its because of the mom of the child or a new gf. I'm goin to do everything in my power that Ki'yana doesn't feel the way I felt at times in the situation. And I'm gonna make sure she know she's loved just as much as or more than any other child. I'm blessed she has somebody else to fill his shoes as well. I just hope they'll wake up one day....

  6. jas I know this has been one of the hardest things, you've dealt with and I thank you for being open and honest with it. You are a great mom, and Kiy has such a good figure of a father in her life. I wish you two nothing but the best because I can see that he really has your's and Kiy's best interest at heart. I hate seeing children grow up without fathers around, I know how much it affects them. My father was always around, and supported me financially, but I needed that male figure that I could just go to and talk to about everything and receive advice from. My father has never been out of my life, but we never ever had that mental/emotional bond like that. So it did affect me. But I'm so proud of you for handling yours on your own! that's a boss chic for ya ;)

  7. Thanks so much it means a lot that my hard work is not going unnoticed. Ima keep making Ki proud of me <3