Monday, December 6, 2010

When Love Turns to Abuse


Domestic violence can happen to anyone, yet it is usually overlooked, ignored, or excused. This is especially common when the abuse is psychological rather than physical. We all have either been in this situation or know someone who has been in this situation. We have to stick together to get this out there; too many times have people come out and told their stories only to be ridiculed or not believed. This has to stop!

Here are the top ten signs of an abusive relationship:
1. Jealousy or possessiveness- Accuses you of cheating with co-workers, friends, etc.
2. Controlling- becomes overly demanding of your time; puts you on a schedule
3. Manipulates you by calling you crazy to make you feel sorry for them
4.Lies to make you feel sorry for them
5. Uses real life situations such as family deaths or job loss to gain sympathy
6. Disrespects the opposite gender
7. Has a history- abusers seek out victims who seem easy to control
8. Superiority- they always have to be right and in control
9. Punishment- Gives silent treatment, or causes physical abuse when they feel you are wrong
10. Unwilling to seek help- They do not think anything is wrong with their actions

In order to get away from an abusive situation, you have to recognize the fact that you are being abused.  An abuser's main objective is one thing only: To obtain and maintain control over its subject. If you ever feel afraid of your partner, or afraid to do or say certain things out of fear of your partner's reaction then you are more than likely in an abusive relationship. Also if your partner yells at you, puts you down, criticizes you, or treats you as property instead of their lover, nine times out of ten your relationship is abusive as well. No one should ever give away their own freedom to keep the peace in their relationship. Nor should anyone have to endure any mental or physical pain for the sake of love.

The three main types of abuse are physical, emotional, and financial. Many partners put physical damage in places that would be covered in clothing, so the abuse is not noticeable. Therefore, if you suspect that someone close to you is being abused, pay close attention to any bruises that may be hidden. In my opinion, emotional abuse can be more damaging than physical. It can lead to self loathing, feelings of loneliness, and anxiety and depression. Many times the abusive partner may make the victim feel like everything is his/her fault, or may threaten to cause harm if their secret is exposed. This makes it easy for the victim to justify the abusive partner's actions. Sometimes abusive partners even isolate their victims from friends and family, often leading the victims to believe that they have no one to turn to. In some cases, abusers even withhold finances from their partner in order to gain financial control in the relationship. That way, they can control their partners' every move.

Domestic violence becomes a cycle starting with the initial altercation. Once the abuse is done, the abuser begins to show remorse and makes promises to change. But always remember that abusers will stop the behavior when it is benefitting them. They have to retract their statements and act guilty in order to make their partners stay. If you happen to know anyone who is in this situation, try to help them. Listen to what they tell you. Offer help and be supportive of his or her decisions so they will know that they are NOT alone. And if you happen to be in an abusive relationship but feel like you have no way out,  stay motivated, pray and know that you deserve better. You don't have to live like that. Too many people in the world are carrying on baggage from past abusive relationships or experiences and passing these psychological issues on to their children. "It's hard to look for light when you're lost in darkness." Be motivated... #stopthecycle

If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship call 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) for free confidential help, or you can visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline for any questions and concerns.

-LaBellaBoss <3

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